He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Buhtt sex?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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