i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
