Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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