When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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