also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
