Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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