I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
