did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
