were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
