Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You are the jesus of drinking
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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