Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
