I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
