Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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