Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
