I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
