I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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