youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I could make wine with my vomit
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
