Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
