Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up under a house in Key West
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
