I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
