never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
