I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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