Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
