literally had 100 drinks last night.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
