1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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