Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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