and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
