She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
