my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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