I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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