I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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