What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
