I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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