oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
