So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
