it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
