Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
