Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
