Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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