apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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