I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
