She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
