I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I look better un-naked...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
