You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
