would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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