She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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