Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
