What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
