Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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