Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
