i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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