You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
