We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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