Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
