I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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