Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
