My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
