did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
