i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize