Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
