Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
