I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
