Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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