Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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