he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Vodka?
Forever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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