Apparently you make a good broom.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
