im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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