Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
