Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
